The best way to prevent ourselves from crossing the line from curiosity to diagnosis is keep hunches as hunches. Its okay to have a hunch that goes something like this: My client just said that they "hate their boss." Sounds like she may have anger issues." Having such a hunch is okay. In fact in a coaching conversation they happen all the time. The moment we cross the line into diagnosing is when we follow up such a hunch with: If she has anger issues then she will need to find a way to deal with that anger. A good step would be for her to find an outlet for the anger so its not directed toward her boss. Maybe getting out to the gym in the morning and burning off her steam will prevent her getting angry with her boss later." What just happened was a move from curiosity to diagnosis and from coaching to advising.
Since coaching keeps the responsibility for action on the side of the client, we don't need to follow up our hunches with our own solutions. What we can do is ask questions that keep our hunch a hunch and let the client work out whether its true in their situation and how they then want to respond to it. Following up a hunch can sound something like this: Tell me more about your relationship with your boss? or Have you felt that way before? Responding this way gives the reponsibility to the client to define what they meant by I hate my boss. Rather than spend energy on following the solution trail to our hunches, as coaches we can learn to take our hunches and pour our energy into crafting questions to get our clients to discover more about their situation. This route can help us organize our thoughts so that we stay focused on our role as coaches and not as advice givers.
In the example I gave, the response from the client might be something like: When I get pressured into doing things I get very anxious and hate feeling that way! In terms of the initial hunch and the question asked to follow up the hunch, the coach can then think: Hmmm ... so she actually doesn't hate her boss but hates being put into certain situations. I'll ask her about how she wants to deal with such situations. Because the hunch stayed a hunch, the coach can stay focused on the conversation and keep the client responsible to address their awareness of their situation and encourage the client to come up with solutions to change their experience.
Keep a hunch as a hunch and you'll always keep your coaching conversations focused on the client coming up with a solution to their situation.
