Avoiding Backlash

When working with a client in a coaching relationship sometimes a sensitive issue arises in the conversation that the coach wants to ask more about but is hesitant to take the direct approach for fear of backlash. The last thing a coach wants to do is cash in on relational capital by touching on a sensitive issue that gets the client's back up.

In such situations the coach is the best one to determine if addressing the issue is both timely and appropriate. Sometimes waiting and letting the conversation get there from the client's perspective is the best way to deal with it. But if you feel that its very important to address the issue, here are some strategies that a coach can use to soften the direct approach without losing its impact on the client:

• Using the Third Person to ask the Question:  Rather than asking a question directly based on the issue that surfaced, create a third person in the conversation and let that person ask the client the question.  This may sound something like If someone close to you asked you if taking that approach is a good idea, how would you respond? By creating a third person who asks the question, the client's response is solicited toward the third person and not toward you as a coach. The benefit of this is that any possible backlash that may surface from the client will not be directed to you but to the third person you created.  Since its a hypothetical scenario, clients are less likely to take the question personally and more inclined to be objective about it.
• Share a Story:  Maybe there is a story from your own experience as a coach where you were behaving the same way and it turned out to be a challenging but learning experience. This would be a good time to share it.  It will help the client to hear how you worked through a very similar issue in your own life and in response create more authenticity in the conversation that will make them comfortable to dig deeper.
• Connect your Question to the Client's Goals and Values:  If your client has stated some clear values that they live by and their issue goes against their value then simply open up the opportunity for the client to dig deeper by reminding the client of the value and asking them to measure the issue against that value. The same goes for a goal that they have developed with you. If the issue they share is at cross purposes with their goal, make the connection for the client and let them assess whether the issue aligns with their goal.
• I'm on Your Side Technique: If you have had a long standing relationship with the client and they are comfortable with you holding a high degree of trust in the relationship then you can take the standpoint of siding with the client for their own growth.  This could sound something like this, If working through this issue gives you more growth in your life then how would you start dealing with it? Another phrase to describe this approach is the I Believe in You approach. Given the scenario that digging deeper will foster more growth in the client's life, the client is more keen on talking about it.